Dear Folks:

I have been meaning to sit down & tell ya’ll about my sudden & mysterious disappearance on or after, I see, 12/21/01, (strange to see so many passing thoughts entombed, dated and labeled, forever in a database) but it got to be such a long story after a while.

Thank you to Kelly (Tripping Sleeping Beauty) & John (Rath Dawg) who were kind enough to inquire after me. I didn’t have time to catch up on all the threads but am happy to see that Rose Bud is doing a great job as mod, and that there is a new mod, Jordie, whom I assume is a girl (?) and looks to be quite capable as well. Thank you to both.

The very condensed version: after December saw the spectacular & ugly end to my only longish-term relationship (finally). Followed quickly by amazing whirlwind New Year’s Eve romance. Followed even more quickly by getting dumped or at least ignored.

In between those last two, the brief beloved told me that I was the first girl who ever accepted him as he was instead of trying to change something about him. I was immediately a little ashamed because it seemed my whole life was devoted to changing myself AND others, with little success in either arena. After that convo, I completely got ill at the thought of trying to change others, and Weight Workshop was a big part of my so-called crusade. Sure, I’d gotten a lot nicer over the months than I was long ago. But I was tired of crusading. I was tired of being judgmental of others and especially of myself: getting unhappier the closer I got to feeling normal, let alone attractive, of basing my entire self-worth on what men thought of me. Of the number on the scale meaning everything, everything, everything. Let me mind my own figurative little garden, let others mind theirs.

After January, life got a little fuzzy. Not just with eating, but in all my areas of endeavor ?work, social life, etc. I do feel I let go of some of the obsessive behavior, but that meant gaining weight. At first I was happy to get my breasts & SOME butt back, but am generally not comfortable with the weight gain. I still am not sure how to lose or even maintain weight without the obsession. I know how to do it when I’m “in the mode?(I have some secret on & off switch, with nothing in between, only I can’t figure out how to operate it.) but how to do it and live a normal life at the same time?

I feel like it’s time to come back to the community, to make some connection with people instead of just burning my bridges behind me as usual (quit OA cold turkey, quit my therapist) so that’s why I’m saying hello. I don’t think I will be posting regularly anytime soon. I don’t feel comfortable being public with my life at this point. But I am more than happy to correspond with anyone via e-mail.

Anyway, I read this book last night that was just amazing and I must recommend. It’s called “GOOD IN BED?by Jennifer Weiner, and her website is http://www.jenniferweiner.com. The novel is nothing like a self-help book ?more like a fairy tale, light, amusing read. But the heroine is a size 16, NOT self-assured but smart and caustic-ly funny, young professional woman and the “happy?ending is nothing canned. I liked it so much I wrote the author my very first fan letter (which I’m kinda hoping she’ll respond to).

In other news, Martin & I are going scuba diving most every weekend now that it’s calm on the North Shore of Oahu. I’ve been teaching my 4.5 year old niece to ride a bike. I just got to meet some great people from the forums! Calacapusa, who is visiting Hawaii from Puerto Rico & is our houseguest, and Khamil, who is staying with his family in Waikiki this week. They are both just awesome people.

Good wishes to all!

Much aloha,

Chris

P. S. Remind me to post some diving pics later on when I get home.
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whoa!

that's all i can say right now...

and...

HEY THERE!!! we missed you!
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Yes we have missed you around here!!

I understand completely about your concerns. But know that you are totally welcome back here anytime, just come hang and be yourself. We'll all love ya no matter what! (Or at least I will! ;k)

I'd love to keep in touch with ya, mind if I PM you my email?
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i checked out that website... i'm gonna look up those jennifer weiner books at barnes & noble. i love books about chicks. :)
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Thanks girls!!!! Ya'll are the GREATEST!

Leina - 2nd book is due for publication in Sept 2002. I for one will be waiting in line to buy it.

Rose Bud - you have done a great job here and I'm real proud. My email address is chris@shapeshakers.com, just send yours there.

Promised DIVING pics follow. Mainly sea turtles, which I love. Have been having trouble with my allegedly fast RoadRunner. Martin took almost all these pictures and did a wonderful job.

(warning: some files are large.)

http://www.shapeshakers.com/personal/
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I also looked at that website.

After I'm finished with "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood" I am for sure picking up "Good in Bed"!!
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hi and welcome back, chris!!

we really missed you!
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